Why the call to STIR matters: Jamie’s Story

I had a normal childhood for the first few years of my life. I had loving parents, friends and family. I played lots of sports. When I was 7 years old, I was playing tag with my nanny and managed to break my foot After this happened, I started having an unbearable burning pain that traveled up my leg. It was a rare pain condition called CRPS. I remember always feeling like I was being punished by God for some reason I didn’t yet understand.  

My parents quickly realized that I needed to be in a warmer and more stable environment, so they moved us to El Paso, Texas. Things were normal for a while, until I developed these searing unbearable headaches.  I had yet another rare condition that was essentially a liquid brain tumour that pressed on my brain and eyes. I spent years travelling all over the US with my Mom for one surgery after another. 

My dad always told me if I couldn’t sleep because of pain, that I should wake him up and we could watch our show together, but I never did because I didn’t want to bother him. One night I had a weird feeling, so I went to his room and put a pulse odometer on his finger, to find he had no pulse. My mother and I rushed him to the hospital  and they put him into an induced coma and told us he likely would not make it. When he left the hospital, I became his main caregiver, he was truly my best friend.

Around this time, I started abusing the pain meds I was given for my pain disorder. My parents knew I was struggling and tried every doctor, psych ward, medication to get me help but I was never ready. When I was 18 I decided to move back to Canada to try and start fresh;  the substance use would die down for a while but everything changed about 3 years ago during the pandemic.

My father went into his last induced coma four years ago. When they were trying to save his life I threw myself so hard into substance abuse.  When he passed, I was so consumed with numbing myself any way I could. During this time my youngest sister died by suicide shortly after my father. My life spiralled in a way that had never happened before. I turned my life upside down and things couldn’t have gotten any worse at that point

I hit rock bottom and realized I had to make a change. God would be there with me when I wanted him. Finally, I went to rehab and started learning about my relationship with my higher power and how he’s always been there for me, even when I wasn’t ready to have a relationship with him.

Going on the STIR retreat was truly an amazing experience for me. When I heard another witness speak and heard her story of what she had gone through, so many similar things to me, I was really touched.  Hearing her story made me feel safe enough to open up and tell my own. I’m incredibly grateful to the women at STIR for creating a safe environment for me and others to connect to each other and our own Higher Power. Today I live a life filled with purpose and I get to help others and most importantly I have an amazing relationship with my higher power and a family of people I’ve met through the program. I sincerely hope that I’m able to help others with my story, to show them that they’re never alone.